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The One With the Boobies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Rachel: What? What?!
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Rachel: Oh!!
(She storms off)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Roger: That's pretty much it.
Phoebe: Oops!
Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.
Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.
Roger: Okay. I'll miss you.
Phoebe: Isn't he great?
Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.
Rachel: Okaaay. (To the guys, on the couch) Any of you guys want anything else?
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?
Chandler: Okay.
Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Ross: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Chandler: Huh.
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.
(Joey enters with his dad)
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?
All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger.
Roger: Hi.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.
Roger: You too, sir.
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Joey: Dad, dad. (Shakes his head)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?
(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms)
Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping)
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?
Joey: Since then?!
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?
Joey: ...I d'know.
Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair.]
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
(Door buzzer goes)
Monica: Hello?
Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe.
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog.
Monica: C'mon up.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Joey: What's the matter with Rog?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!
Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!
Phoebe: Isn't he good?
Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...
Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay?
Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie...
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.
Monica: You're welcome.
Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)
Monica: Hate that guy! (Throws another cookie)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Joey: Night, you guys.
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?
Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani.
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Ronni: That's a good one!
(Joey's dad enters.)
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe.
Joey: Dad, Ronni's here.
Mr. Tribbiani: Huh?
Ronni: Hi.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?
Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. (Hands him the hair)
Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh...
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.
Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing.
Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here?
Joey: Who-ah-ho.
Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel.
Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel.
Joey: No you won't.
Ronni: No we won't.
Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.
Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us?
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
Ronni: Wow. He's strict.
Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.
Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change?
Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni
Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that!
Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!
Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is
Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Joey: No.
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Joey: You really think so?
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it.]
Ronni: Hi.
Monica: Hi...May I help you?
Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Monica: Okay...who are you?
Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?
Monica: Oh, c'mon in.
Ronni: Thanks.
Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel.
Ronni: Hi.
Rachel: Bathroom's up there.
Ronni: Great.
Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?
Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear.
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]
All: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.
(Chandler laughs)
Phoebe: So what's going on?
Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.
Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
Rachel: We hate that guy.
All: Yeah. Hate him.
Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?
All: ...No, we hate him.
Rachel: We're sorry.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?
Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)
Joey: Oww! Big ring!
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Joey: Hold on, you-you knew?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!
Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.
Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
Joey: I'm...happy...for you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.
Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Roger: What?
Phoebe: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Oh.
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments.]
Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Rachel: Wow.
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Ross: So Joey, you okay?
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey, Pheebs.
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
All: Awww.
Phoebe: Yeah, right.
All: Aaawwwwww!!
Rachel: What happened?
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!
Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Monica: Hello, Joey.
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
End
你是闯进来的, 你都不敲门的！
对不起!
你根本就不尊重别人的隐私权!
瑞秋, 停一下, 停一下.
不, 你停一下! 这太荒谬了!
我只说一件事，行吗?
什么? 什么?!
那是块很稀薄的布
所以我仍然能够看到你的
... 山峰地区.
噢!!
哦, 亲爱的，告诉她们
你那个总把事情想成其他事
的病人的故事，还记得吗？
就像是, 电话响起而她在洗澡.
那确实.
天啊!
但你说得很好, 蜜糖.
谢谢.
好吧, 现在离我们远点，
这样我们才能开始谈论你.
好吧. 我会想你的.
他还行吗?
他太酷了!
而且他似乎很喜欢你.
我知道, 我知道.
如此甜蜜和深沉.
而且对一个神经科医师说来,
他并不是很神经, 知道吗?
那么, 你们会在他的病床上做吗?
哦, 我不知道, 我不知道.
我想那有点古怪, 你知道的?
酸葡萄.(伊索寓言中的故事)
好...吧.
你们谁想要点什么吗?
哦, 是的, 我想要点...(Points)不行, 很抱歉, 我们卖完了.
其他人呢?
算了.
我是不是, 呃, 错过了什么?
没有, 她还在因为
我看到了她的胸部而郁闷.
你的什么?
你怎会看到她的胸部?
碰巧的.
不是像我过马路时
拿着个望远镜和一盒油炸圈饼一样.
好吧, 好吧, 我们能不能换个话题?
好, 不过嘿,
不是胸部, 是她的胸脯.
好吧, 菲比,
我想再多换一次话题.
我不懂你为什么感到这么尴尬,
你的胸部很不错.
不错?
确实不错.
我是说, 就这些?
我意思是, 棒球手套也是"不错"的.
好...吧,
岩石, 硬地, 我.
你太幽默了!
他真的很幽默!
当这位笑星不说话时
我可不会来这儿.
喔 喔, 回到刚才那句, 情郎.
你那是什么意思?
哦, 只是看上去好像你有难言之隐.
你知道的,
你用你的幽默来与他人保持距离.
唔.
我是说 嘿!
我才遇见你,
不是什么其他人告诉我的.
独生子, 是吗?
在你成年前父母就离婚了.
嗯, 你怎么知道的?
书上说的.
大家好.
你们都认识我爸, 是吧?
哦! 哦, 崔比先生!
你在城里呆多久了?就一段时间.
我在城中心找到份工作.
我认为我最好跟我儿子呆在一起
而不是拖着我的屁股
在渡口来来回回.
我不认识这家伙.
哦, 这是我朋友罗杰.
你好.
嘿，嘿. 很高兴见到你,罗杰.
我也是,先生.
那个人怎样了,
嗯, 玩木偶那个?
爸爸, 爸爸. (摇头)
喔, 不好意思.
那么罗斯, 嗯, 你老婆怎样?
也不在了, 啊?
嗯, 钱德, 快, 说点搞笑的
要挂电话了.
我也想你, 我爱你,
但现在真的太晚了
嘿，妈.
知道吗, 我跟巴兹达医生约好了,
而且...你是?
你知道这不是妈妈吗?
她叫朗妮.是个兽医.
了解.
那你有多长时间...
还记得你小时候,
我常带你去海军港口去看那些大船吗?
从那时开始你就...?!
不, 六年前才开始.
我只是想让你回忆起一些美好的事,
这样你就不会认为
我一直是一个不怎么样的人.
乔伊, 你恋爱过吗?
...我知道.
你没有过.
你的土豆快烧焦了.
你真会谈话.
乔伊, 你父亲正在热恋中.
但是最坏的一点是,
是与两个女人.
噢.
拜托告诉我其中一个是妈妈.
当然, 当然你母亲是其中一个.
你怎么了.
就像你某天早上醒来
然后发现你父亲有双重身份.
他确实就像有些间谍,
为中情局工作.
那很酷. 这太过分了!
我知道, 我是说,
为什么父母不能一直是父母呢?
为什么他们会变成互不认识的人?
为什么他们会...
为什么你不能不再盯着我的胸部?
什么? (往上看) 什么?
你那天没看够吗?
够了, 够了.
我们都是成年人了,
现在只有一个方法解决这件事.
既然你看了她的胸部,
我想, 呃,
你最好给她看你的屁屁.
你知道, 我不想那样的
拜托, 他说的对. 以牙还牙.
我不会给你看我的"牙"的.
哈罗?是菲比.还有罗杰.
上来吧.
哦, 太好了. 罗杰来了.
罗杰怎么了?
哦, 没什么, 小事一桩,
我讨厌他.
什么, 他只是一个小小的分析家.
那是他的工作, 知道吗?
拜托, 他没那么讨厌.
了解了吧, 那就是你的毛病所在.
如果我对她是女同性恋这事
有任何一点知情,
为什么我还要娶她?
我不知道.
也许你想要失败的婚姻.
为什么? 为什么我会...?
为什么? 为什么? 为什么?
我不知道.
也许 也许是很弱的自尊心,
也许 也许是对你使兄弟姐妹
相形失色的赔偿, 也许你...
等一下,
回到刚才兄弟姐妹的话上来.
呃, 我不知道.
我是说,
可能你是想要破坏自己的婚姻
以使得在你父母看来你的兄弟姐妹
跟你相比不再那么失败.
那太荒谬了!
我对她的失败
一点也不感到内疚!
哦!
就是说你认为我是失败者!
那他是成功的吗?
不不不, 我不是那个意思
知道吗, 这么多年来
我一直以为你是站在我这边的.
但可能你所做的只是讨好爸妈
以便让他们对你更好些!
嘿, 我娶了个女同性恋
好让你看上去好过些!
你说的对!
我是说你是对的!
那不仅仅只是Weebles,
而是Weeble的游戏宫殿,
还有Weebles那被诅咒的船.
噢,那使得Weebles的
这艘生命之舟摇摆不定.
那很悲惨.
悲惨的事. 快点, 菲比,
我们快赶不上那部电影了,
我们要出发了.
哦, 好的.
想开点, 瑞秋, 好吗?
糟了, 我们要迟到了,
甜心...
哦, 好的.
听我说,
很感谢这一切, 莫妮卡.
不用谢.
听着,伙计们, 再见到你们真是太好了.
莫妮卡, 唔,
轻松点对待那些饼干, 好吗?
记住, 那只是食物, 不是爱情.
讨厌那家伙!
晚上好,伙计们.
看呐, 我们召的姑娘.
嘿. 嗯, 我们能帮你吗?
噢, 不用,谢了,
我只是在等,
嗯, 乔伊·崔比昂尼.
我就是乔伊·崔比昂尼.
哦不, 这不是你, 大块头乔伊.
哦天啊, 你比照片上看上去酷多了!
(乔伊盯着她) 我是, 我是朗妮. 吃干酪片吗?
嗯, 乔伊有脑血栓, 不过我要一点.
现在, 你知道了, 大多数人,
当它们的宠物去世的时候,
他们有点想要它看上去只是
因为喝醉而睡着了.
但有时他们会想要宠物摆个姿势.
就像, 追着自己的尾巴咬,
或者是, 嗯, 跳起来接飞盘.
乔伊, 如果我先走的话, 我想要摆个找钥匙的姿势.
这笑话不错!
嘿, 乔伊.
爸, 朗妮来了.
啊?
嘿.
嘿!
哈罗, 亲爱的! 你在这做什么?
哦, 嗯, 你把你的假发
丢在我的公寓了,
我想你明天开会也许要用.
谢谢你. 嗯...
那么, 谁想玩Kerplunk游戏?
我呃, 我也许不该来.
我最好开始动身了,
我不想错过最后一班车.
我可不想你那样.
哦, 那我去哪, 这里?
呼-啊-嚯.
我们去旅店.
我们去旅店.
不,你们不去.
不,我们不去.
如果你们去旅馆你们会做某些事的.
我希望你们呆在
我可以监视你们的地方.
你要监视我们?
没错, 主人, 而且我不管你有多老,
只要你呆在我的地盘上
你就要按我的规据来.
那意味着不能跟
你的女朋友睡一起.
喔. 他很严厉.
那么爸, 你睡我的房,
朗妮...嗯, 你睡钱德的房.
谢谢. 你是,
嗯, 你是个好孩子.
来吧, 我带你看看我的房间.
后面没有跟上一句
"不,谢了, 太迟了"
真是有点奇怪.
好吧.只是今晚.
明天开始, 你需要改变一下.
这已经持续够久了.
什么样的改变?
呃, 要么你与朗妮分手
我不能那么做!
那你就跟妈妈说清楚!
那行不通的!
吖, 但这个...
我不想听!
到你的房间去!
嘿, 踢踢. 你在干什么?
只是在让自己舒服点.
我穿着这件内衣睡不着.
呃, 你会的.
我在想.你知道,
关于我怎么会总是见到一个接一个的女人.
她们是首尾相连,
还是堆起来像烤饼?
你知道我的意思,
我怎么会总是跟所以这些女人出去.
而且我总是认为,
当靓姐出现时, 我总是毫不拒绝,
你知道?
现在看看我爸爸, 我在想...
嘿, 你不是他.
你是你自己.
当他们都劝你去继承
你爸爸的水管装修业务时,
你屈服了吗?
没有.
没有.
你最终决定加入失业男演员的行列.
那并不容易, 但你做到了!
我相信当那个靓姐走过来时,
你会有勇气和风度说
:"不,谢了, 我已经结婚了."
你真的这么想?
对. 我确实这么想.
谢谢, 钱德.
走开!
嘿.
嘿...要我帮忙吗?
是的, 嗯, 乔伊说我能用你的浴室,
因为, 嗯, 钱德在用我们那个?
好吧...你是谁?
哦, 我是朗妮.
朗妮·蕾皮莱洛?
那个情妇?
哦, 进来吧.
谢谢.
嘿, 我是瑞秋.
嘿.
浴室在那儿.
太好了.
咳, 听我说, 朗妮,
你说钱德在浴室呆了多久了?
哦, 大概, 嗯, 五分钟?
真棒.
解开你的腰带, “屁屁”时间到了.
嘿, 崔比先生.
嘿. 早上好, 亲爱的.
钱德·宾?
是看你的那个的时候了.
你怎么回事?!
我以为那是钱德!
什么? 你说什么?
你应该呆在那儿这样
我就可以看到你的那个了!
抱歉, 我的那个和我一起呆在那儿.
嘿, 菲比.
嘿.
怎么样?
不错.
哦 哦!
罗杰想要我邀请你们聚餐.
怎么了?
没什么, 唔, 只是,
唔 只是罗杰...
我是说, 有些事...
基本上我们只是觉得他...
我们讨厌那家伙.
对. 讨厌他.
我们很抱歉, 菲比, 很抱歉.
嗯－哈.
好吧. 好吧, 难道你们不认为,
也许, 虽然,
只是因为他能看穿你们而让你们觉得他怪诞?
...不, 我们讨厌他.
很抱歉.
妈! 你来干什么?
我来给你这个 和这个.
噢! 太响了!
为什么你要给你老爸灌输那些废话?
存在就是合理!
那里面有鸡肉, 分开放.
看在上帝的份上, 乔伊, 真的.
等一下, 你-你知道了?
我当然知道了!
你怎么想的?
你父亲不是詹姆斯.邦德
他只会说些这种借口
:"我在看帐簿时睡着了."
去他的,那能骗谁? 拜托!
那你怎么能,我是说,
你怎么能够...?!
还记得你爸爸通常是怎样的吗?
常常大喊大叫,
说没什么让他高兴的事,
没什么能让他开心的事,
那个木材店不能,
那些愚蠢的瓶中船也不能, 没有.
但现在他很开心!
我是说, 不错,
他有一项业余爱好了.
妈, 我并不是想不尊重你,
但你到底在说些什么鬼话?!
我是说, 你怎么办?
我?我很好.
这么想, 亲爱的, 在一个理想的世界里,
那就不会有她,而且你爸爸看上去
会跟一根针一样. 我还要告诉你一些别的.
自从那个摆弄宠物的出现以后,
他因为内疚而更加体贴, 他更爱我了,
我是说, 每天都像结婚纪念日一样.
那我要...为你...高兴?
想都别想,
还不是每件事都这么好的.
我只是想保持现在这样.
妈, 很抱歉.
我只是做了我以为你会想要我做的.
我知道你所做的, 亲爱的.
噢, 我知道你所做的.
那么告诉我. 你看到她了?
对.
你比她漂亮十倍不止.
嘴真甜. 我能胜过她吗?
算上这个戒指?
无可置疑.
怎么了, 甜心?
没, 没什么.
啊, 怎么了, 说啊.
只是, 我是说, 没事, 我很好.
是因为我朋友们.
他们对你有些看法.
关于, 唔, 没什么看法.
噢. 他们没什么看法.
但他们没有看到我所看到的那些光明面.
他们没有看到好的方面.
他们只是认为你有点...
什么?
极端和令人毛骨悚然.
哦.
但我不这么看. 我, 菲比.
好吧, 我...我对于他们
那么想并不感到惊讶.
你不惊讶?
看啊, 这就是你好的地方!
事实上这是, 这其实是,
你知道,
典型的神经机能障碍群体作用的后果.
你知道, 这帮互相依赖,
情绪成长不良, 坐在这用着
愚蠢大杯子的愚蠢咖啡厅的人们,
对不起, 他们嘴里最好要
塞上奶嘴, 而且还说着什么
'哦, 分析一下我的思维!
分析一下! 爱我, 我需要爱!'
那么你跟你父亲谈过了, 啊.
对.他将继续用我妈想要的方式来欺骗她,
我妈则在已经知情的情况下
继续假装不知道, 而我的妹妹蒂娜将再也见不到她的丈夫，
因为他接到一份除了
我今天发现的事外毫不相干的限制令，
喔.
显然这里的很多事都变了.
那 乔伊, 你还好吗?
当然, 我猜的.
只是因为父母, 在某个时间后,
你就要让他们自己走路.
尽管你知道更好的方法,
你也要让他们自己去犯错.
想想看,
若干年后我们也会变成他们这样的.
如果我变成了我父母那样,
我要么是一个金发碧眼
追在20几岁的孩子后面跑的酒鬼,
要么我就像我妈那样自我了结.
嘿.
嘿, 菲比.
怎样?
哦, 还行, 除了我跟罗杰分手了.
啊～～～.
是的, 分了.
喔～～～～～～～～～!!!
怎么回事?
我不知道, 我是说,
他人不错, 而且也很体贴,
我认为他不少方面很适合我,
只是因为...我讨厌那家伙!
嘿, 乔伊. 近来怎样?
不怎样,瑞秋看了我的那个
所以我要看回来
瑞秋·格林?
乔伊!! 见鬼你在干什么?!
对不起. 看错胸部了.
嘿, 乔伊.
噢!哈罗, 亲爱的.