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The One Where Eddie Won't Go
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie. Daahh!! What're you doin' here?
EDDIE: Nothin' roomie, just watchin' you sleep.
CHANDLER: Why?
EDDIE: Makes me feel um, peaceful, heh-heh, please.
CHANDLER: I can't sleep now.
EDDIE: You want me to sing?
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
EDDIE: Woah, woah, woah, what're, what're you talkin' about man.
CHANDLER: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than you.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
CHANDLER: I didn't realize that.
EDDIE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: GET OUT NOW!!
EDDIE: Ok, you really want me out?
CHANDLER: Yes please.
EDDIE: Ok, then I want to hear you say it, I, I want to hear you say you want me out.
CHANDLER: I want you out.
EDDIE: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.
CHANDLER: Where did you hear it from before?
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
EDDIE: I heard that.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
JOEY: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that time machine workin' huh?
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
MONICA: A mirror?
JOEY: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
MONICA: Cache? Jaunty?
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
MONICA: Oh my God, it was incredible.
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
RACHEL: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this?
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
RACHEL: Men just take out wind?
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Wow.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
PHOEBE: Oh yes, no, Richard would never steal your wind.
MONICA: No.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause he's yummy.
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: Anybody want a croan.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
ESTELLE: Don't worry about it already. Things happen.
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
ESTELLE: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
JOEY: No, can we get back to me?
ESTELLE: Look honey, people get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
ESTELLE: You're welcome.
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
ESTELLE: Things change, roll with em.
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
JOEY: I'm sorry. See ya.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
RACHEL: Oh, God, oh, God, I mean it's just so.
MONICA: Isn't it.
RACHEL: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about my own life. I mean this book could have been called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'.
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.
ROSS: Hey you guys.
MONICA: Hey.
ROSS: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.
RACHEL: NO!
ROSS: No?
RACHEL: No, why do we always have to do everything according to your time table?
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
MONICA: You go girl. I can't pull that off can I?
ROSS: Excuse me, your, your, your wind?
RACHEL: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
ROSS: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that.
RACHEL: Ok, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.
PHOEBE: Um-um, um-um.
RACHEL: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damnit!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
JOEY: What is it?
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
ROSS: What, what's that?
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
ROSS: Open it, open in.
JOEY: Oh my God.
ROSS: Woah.
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: Ahh.
ROSS: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari?
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
ROSS: Well I guess you can start by drivin a cab on Another World.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: That audition.
JOEY: That's a two line part.
ROSS: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.
JOEY: So what.
ROSS: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
ROSS: Toilet paper?
JOEY: Yeah.
ROSS: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just being realistic.
JOEY: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend.
ROSS: I am your friend.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.
ROSS: Huh, I'm just saying...
JOEY: Well don't just say.
ROSS: Ya know, maybe, maybe I should just go.
JOEY: Ok.
ROSS: Ok. I'll see ya later. Just think about it, ok.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
EDDIE: Hey pal.
CHANDLER: Ahhhh-gaaaahhh. Eddie what're you still doin' here?
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
EDDIE: Well, not unless it's got something to do with dehydrating my man because right now I'm a dehydrating maniac!
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
EDDIE: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
CHANDLER: Your last roommate's kidney?
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
GUNTHER: Lemonade? You ok man?
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
JOEY: I fell down an elevator shaft.
GUNTHER: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
JOEY: What?
GUNTHER: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Daaahhhh!
MONICA: Aaahhhhhhh! Aaahhhh!
CHANDLER: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There'll be no more watching me sleep, no more watching.
MONICA: I wa-
CHANDLER: Uuuh.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
EDDIE: Hey man, check it out, I got some great stuff to dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots, I thought it would be really cool to see what happens with these water balloons.
CHANDLER: Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
EDDIE: What?
CHANDLER: You, move out. Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and GET OUT!
EDDIE: You, you want, you want me to move out?
CHANDLER: Uh-huh.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
CHANDLER: You want some help.
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
CASTING GUY: Excuse me, that's 50 bucks.
JOEY: What?
CASTING GUY: Five oh dollars.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
CASTING GUY: That's great.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
CASTING GUY: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh.
PHOEBE: What?
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
MONICA: And his puppet too.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
MONICA: Who?
PHOEBE: Paul.
MONICA: Oh.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
RACHEL: Well not when they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica.
MONICA: One hour? You are such a leaf blower.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
ROSS: [enters] Oh my God, what's goin' on?
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
JOEY: I went.
ROSS: Great, how did it go?
JOEY: I didn't get it.
ROSS: Good for you.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: You're livin' the dream.
JOEY: Huh?
ROSS: All right then.
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
ROSS: What?
JOEY: I can't watch this.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
MOVER: 1200.
ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
ROSS: Huh.
MOVER: Yeah.
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man.
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two pieces of cake.]
RACHEL: Here are your cakes.
MONICA: We didn't order cake.
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
MONICA: You're right.
RACHEL: You know.
PHOEBE: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck your wind again.
RACHEL: Thank you. So are we good?
MONICA: We're good.
RACHEL: We're good?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're gonna take that out of my paycheck.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
MONICA: Are you sure this time?
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.
MONICA: There is no alley behind Macy's.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
CHANDLER: Our next cocktail party?
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
CHANDLER: Eddie, do you remember yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh yes, I think I vaguely recall it.
CHANDLER: Do you remember talking to me yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh, yes.
CHANDLER: So what happened?
EDDIE: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.
CHANDLER: Oh sweet Moses.
MONICA: So on this road trip, did you guys win any money?
EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?
MONICA: Nice.
EDDIE: Yeah. Well see ya upstairs. See ya pals.
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
[Scene: Hallway outside Chandler and Joey's apartment. Eddie walks up.]
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CHANDLER: May I help you?
EDDIE: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my stuff doin' downstairs?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
EDDIE: It's Eddie you freak, your roommate.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
JOEY: Hello.
CHANDLER: Yeah, he's lived here for years, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about man.
EDDIE: No he, he moved out and I moved in.
CHANDLER: Well I, I think we'd remember something like that.
JOEY: I know I would.
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
JOEY: Hey no problem.
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and jump around]
JOEY: A little foos?
CHANDLER: Absolutely.
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
END
你认为怎么样?
乔伊的窝
我自己布置的
乔伊，这个是…
艺术就是艺术
瞧，这是一张咖啡桌呢
还是一只豹?都无所谓
好漂亮的枕头
这是真的布偶皮吗?
好极，好极了的桌上型水东西
谢了，我很喜欢这个东西,但你知道吗？
它会让我想尿尿
对呀，我也是对呀，我想挑战就在那儿
为什么钱德没来?
因为他有一件事
…他有事
我懂了
带我们去参观其它的部分吧
最棒的部分，来…
好帅的马桶
不…后面那个
你这里装了电话?没错
我这里装了…
…电话
乔伊，答应我一件事
别用那个电话打给我
来了
抱歉，苹果派卖完了最后一片刚被干掉
天啊，你们绝对不会相信的
我刚刚被发现了
等一等，我四年前就宣布你为法国领地了
总而言之
答应我，你们不会发狂直到我说完为止，好吗?
我刚刚认识了一个小唱片公司的制作人…
…她说我的声音很清新很特别…
…她要帮我录制”臭臭猫”的试听带
我说过不要太兴奋的
她还说要帮我做MTV呢
我还没说完
天哪
如果结果不错的话他们或许还会帮我做一个专辑
我说完了
罗斯，如果你关心我的话就把馅饼从他帽子里拿出来
拿什么?帽子里有馅饼…快去
你干什么?
对不起，我的馅饼…在…在你帽子里
现在我得去那个家伙的裤子上拿我的咖啡…
…我七点以前会回医院去
该死，罗斯，你快给我滚出来
别激动，我在吹头发
吹什么头发呀?你没有头发啦
怎么了?
你男朋友在里面关了一个多小时
真不敢相信这就像我们又住在一起
我睡觉时他在，醒来时他在想洗澡的时候他也在
我好像回到十六岁了
你不是十六岁而且你们现在都是大人了
出来呀，蠢货
你知道啊他是橡胶，你是胶水
该你了
希望你清了排水孔的头发
住口
我从来没有这样想要过你
怎么样，孩子们我该打电话给他吗?
俗语有云
问你拖鞋一个问题，
…你疯了
乔伊，对不起我今天没有过去
没关系
你…你有事嘛
对，听说你那里很棒
别提了，我开心死了
你那儿怎么样了?
很棒呀，一个空间
…的大聚合
那太棒了
是呀，我只是…
…打个电话跟你聊一聊而已
好啊
那是烤箱定时器吗?
没有错，朋友
应该看
“海滩游侠”
你相信他们让芬妮得皮肤癌吗?
我还是不敢相信他们升她为副队长
你那么说是因为你最喜欢毕雅敏了
怎么可能会有人不爱毕雅敏呢?
她们在跑了
瞧，这个节目棒就棒在这里
我说她们应该不停地跑
直跑
跑
跑啊，雅敏，像风一样的跑
我以为你想自己一个人住
没错，我以为会很棒
我以为我会有时间自己思考
但我发觉我的思想没有你们想得那么多
乔伊，你跟钱德说你想搬回去好了
你认为他会答应吗?
我们昨晚聊得很开心…
…可是我搬走时把他伤透了
我保证，他绝对想你搬回去的
我告诉你他绝对不可能搬回来的
可是我们从没像昨天晚土聊得那么开心过
那就像是…
我们刚刚住在一起时一样
钱德我知道你现在听不进去…
…但我们看过他在新家的样子，他很快乐
他都装潢好了
听着，钱德他向前走了，你也要这样
你必须接受我们只是朋友这个事实
你们不再是
…室友了
菲此，可以试了吗?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
非常臭的臭臭猫
我的天啊
是谁在唱?
你的伴唱团，在你后面
我还以为她们只是在看
就像像水族馆那样
好了
从头开始
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
对不起
我没感觉到…
大家都懂…
…这只猫到底有多臭
也许我们应该谈一谈
…因为我必须要感觉到你们真的…很关心那只猫
我们可以谈的
只是录音间是算时间的一分钟一百块耶
好，那只猫很臭，但你们非常爱她，开始
不，它绝对不可能是一只迅猛龙的
不，东尼，你看他的头盖脊骨
帝诺要是一只迅猛龙它早吃了摩登原始人了
你在睡觉?
本来是
等等，东尼，等一下，好吗?我有插拨
对，她在我叫她回电话，好吗?
好，谢了
打给乔安娜
她留了号码?
你看到我写下来了吗?
我没有她的电话，呆瓜
那她会再打来的你不要耍孩子脾气了
我才没有，你自己才是
听着，你别烦我，好不好?你不要碍眼，好不好?
慢着，等一下，东尼
对，不，她在，等一下
东尼，我再打给你，好吗?
那是我妹妹的男朋友
电话给我
甜心，听着，趁我还记得我的避孕器是否留在你那儿?
皇宫生活过得怎么样了?
真有趣，既然你提起这个我在想…
这些箱子怎么回事?
事实上，我有个消息
那个乔伊会回来拿他的麋鹿帽吗?还是我把它扔了?
这个…你何不自己问他呢?乔伊，这是我的新室友艾迪
幸会
彼此，你好吗？
那我带走了
我就是回来拿这个的
这倒新鲜你们是哪儿认识的?
我们在超市的民族食品区
我帮他挑西班牙香肠
我们开始聊，他说要找地方住而我又刚好有一个空房
那儿成了空房了?
是啊，那房间没有人用…
…而我就把它空出来
我拿到我要的了
改天见了
改天见了
你什么时候开始抹慕丝的?
他是不是很棒?
是呀，他很棒
真不敢相信他有新室友了这家伙是谁啊?
好像叫艾迪，他们刚认识
不会长久的，他只是个替代品
看这个
是“臭臭猫”的MTV
我自己都还没看呢如果你们不喜欢的话呢…
…那又怎么样?你们又没有MTV
滚出去，猫，你臭死了
美呆了
看看我
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭…，非常臭的臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭猫…
臭臭猫…
我的声音好美喔
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
我从没听过自己唱的歌
除了在我的头里面
这太酷了我可以听到你们听到的了
蛮不同的吧?
不要介意，我实在太才华洋溢
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
乔伊，近来如何?
艾迪
早安
我只是过来拿我的信
信在哪儿?在那边那张桌上
你不再把信放在这张桌上了?
不了，艾迪喜欢把信放在那边
好了，请用吧，朋友这是艾迪秘方蛋
太棒了
干嘛?
我只是以为你喜欢…
…面包挖一个洞，中间放蛋呢
我喜欢呀，但艾迪是这样煎得，还真是蛮好吃的
好了，两位…
…我要出去了
再见，兄弟们
再见
你们处得怎么样?再快乐也不过了
很好
我替你高兴
好吧，够了
那个人就这样进来新蛋先生…
…变了放信的地方，还有“再见，兄弟们”
现在果汁也没有了
需要果汁跟要果汁的人没得喝我需要果汁
那边还有一盒果汁啊
这不再是关于果汁了，好吗?
好呀
那么是关于什么呢?
蛋
你比较喜欢谁的蛋?他的还是我的?
我两个一样喜欢少来了
没人一样喜欢两种不同的蛋我知道你比较喜欢哪一种
那有什么差别呢?你的蛋已经不在这个地方了
你已经带着你的蛋走了
你真的期望我再也找不到一个新的蛋吗?
我要看“今夜娱乐”
真不幸我们要看“瑟伦格提掠食者”
不要吵了，好不好?
这是我的电视
你，住手，你咬我呀
摩妮卡她一直在转台呀
棒透了你去跟妈咪打个小报告啊
现在我变成妈咪了
好，听着，我拒绝卷入…
…这一类畸型的盖勒家庭纠纷
我现在要去洗个香啧啧热腾腾的泡泡浴…
…因为妈咪快要被你们这疯了
这件事我们怎么解决?
我们可以把“今夜娱乐”录下来
不是那个
我是说这个，我们
天啊，罗斯，你...你只是你
从你到这儿开始我都快要被你这疯了…
摩妮卡，你又开始高八度了
我受不了…
…你老是在这里!
为什么?你为什么受不了呢?
我们只是在闹着玩而已
玩?这叫好玩吗?
少来了，我以为我们只是在闹就像我们小时候一样
罗斯，小时候我恨你耶
小时候你恨我?
对，我恨你
我是说，我就像“你是我哥所以我必须爱你”那样爱你…
…但基本上，我恨死你了
你为什么要恨我?
因为你对我太烂了
而且…你…你嘲弄我你总是…你总是得逞
你觉得那不好玩?
真不敢相信你恨我
现在我爱你
不只是因为我必须这样
真的？
只是你现在必须停止惹怒我
我可以办得到
那我就用不着杀你了
你要看“今天娱乐”?
谢了
知道吗?
如果你真的想看那个节目我还是可以让你
听着，你们绝对不会相信的…
…但是MTV上的歌声不是我的
你怎么知道的呢?
唱片公司送了一张纸条来叫我签名，要我同意…
…他们找别人来替我唱的那是我的第一个线索
那你打算怎么办?
我没有办法跟这种人一起工作
那当然
这个…这个可怜的女人
什么女人?
那个代唱的女人
她的声音真是棒透了可是她没有MTV啊
菲菲，那你呢?
我有MTV，你得要留心听
这个代唱的人她很有才华
可是那些制作人说她长得不够好看之类的啦
她就像那种动物收容所里面的动物…
…没有人要就因为她长得不够漂亮而已
或者是像只老狗，浑身发臭…
我的天啊，它就是“臭臭猫”
那首歌具有深度
艾迪
来玩桌上足球怎么样?
不，谢了，老兄我不太喜欢运动
好吧
没关系“霹雳游龙”要开演了
你喜欢看那个节目?
你不喜欢吗?
不，那只是一群俊男美女在海滩上跑来跑去
棒就棒在那里啊
俊男美女
跑来跑去
我要进我房间看书了
好的，老兄
我想到和我相知相惜的友人
但我拨电话时
没有人在家
孤孤单单
我不想要一个人
孤孤单单
不想再孤单
孤孤单单
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?一起唱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
你或许不是一床玫瑰
也没有人会喜欢间你
罗斯，歌词都唱完了，抱歉好了，回到合唱的部分