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The One With the Two Bullies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a business channel.]
JOEY: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business channel?
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.
RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need a job.
ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows someone you can call for an interview.
MONICA: Really.
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.
ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name.
EVERYONE: Ahh.
PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken.
MONICA: His indian name?
PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.
ROSS: Freakish.
MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: Freaky.
MONICA: Weird, weird.
RACHEL: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?
PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him.
MONICA: Why?
PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter in sweats carrying rackets.]
CHANDLER: Man, I am so beat.
ROSS: Oh yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forget about raquetball and hang out here?
ROSS: Yeah alright.
[they sit at the couch]
BIG BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey you're in our seats.
ROSS: Oh, sorry we didn't know.
LITTLE BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey, we were sitting there.
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?
LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
BIG BULLY: What's with this guy?
LITTLE BULLY: What's with you?
ROSS: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him. Enjoy your coffee.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
CHANDLER: What just happened?
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can I have it back?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: No?
BIG BULLY: No.
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
BIG BULLY: Why should we?
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
CHANDLER: Stop talking, stop talking now. Let me just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat?
BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
CHANDLER: No, just wanna make sure we're on the same page.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting there and Monica walks in.]
RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go?
MONICA: It bit. It was a 50's theme restraunt. I have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean I was a chef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I take a job where I have to make something called Laverne and Curly Fries?
RACHEL: So don't do it.
MONICA: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the bank.
JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
MONICA: I don't want a beer.
JOEY: Who said it was for you?
ROSS and CHANDLER: [both enter looking down] Hhhiiii.
RACHEL: What's the matter with you?
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
RACHEL: Noo.
JOEY: You're kiddin'.
ROSS: It was ridiculous. Ya know, these guys, they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.
RACHEL: Oohhh.
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi. [Ross turns to Rachel and they hug]
CHANDLER: Ohhh [turns as if to hug someone] Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
JOEY: Hey, woah, let's go down there and get your hat back.
CHANDLER: Na, forget it, it's probably stripped and sold for parts by now.
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it.
JOEY: Do what?
MONICA: Put all my money in me.
RACHEL: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know the first thing about the stock market.
MONICA: What's to know? Buy sell, high low, bears bulls...[on the phone] Yes Manhattan...yeah telephone number of the stock...selling store.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the back.]
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.]
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea?
PHOEBE: Oh God, here we go. For the first time in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'.
RACHEL: We love you, we're here for you.
JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck.
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some sandwich?
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.
RACHEL: No no, 'cause mayo, that would make it gross.
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run.
PHOEBE: No no no, doggie please. Oh, I do so wanna love all animals, please no.
JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone?
RACHEL: Are you kidding me?
PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. [Flings the dog off and jumps in the cab. The dog keeps jumping up to the window.] Ok, alright, we have a problem.
JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline.
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. [grabs Joey's sadwich and throws it out the window]
JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no.
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. [dog ignores the sandwich] Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?
JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will.
PHOEBE: Are you crazy?
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the couch.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
ROSS: What?
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
ROSS: Do you say this stuff to girls?
BIG BULLY: Hehehehey, isn't that the guy who used to wear your hat?
LITTLE BULLY: And look where they're sitting.
ROSS: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through the door.
BIG BULLY: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough.
LITTLE BULLY: Yeah.
BIG BULLY: This couch belongs to us.
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
BIG BULLY: You know what I keep wondering? Why you two are still sitting here.
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys were here first.
BIG BULLY: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
LITTLE BULLY: Sorry.
GUNTHER: There you go.
ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that.
LITTLE BULLY: He told on us?
BIG BULLY: You told on us?
ROSS: Well pal, you didn't give me much of a choice. [flicks the ends of the big bully's tie]
CHANDLER: Don't play with his things.
ROSS: I know.
BIG BULLY: Alright, let's take this outside.
ROSS: Let's, let's take this outside? Who talks like that?
BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that.
CHANDLER: You had to ask.
ROSS: Yeah.
[the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not gonna fight you guys.
LITTLE BULLY: Well then here's the deal, you won't have to so long as never ever show your faces in this coffee house ever again.
CHANDLER: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.
[Scene: Back in the cab in front of Phoebe's dad's house.]
JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't know.
RACHEL: What's the matter?
PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.
RACHEL: Yeah Phoebe, I completely understand.
JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go home?
PHOEBE: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
PHOEBE: [innocently] What was that?
JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJ and I wanna buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank you. Wooo.
RACHEL: Time is money my friend?
JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.'
MONICA: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast, what have you done?
JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I saved $3.50.
RACHEL: How did you make $17.
MONICA: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
JOEY: How come those?
MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.
RACHEL: What happened to uh, MEG.?
MONICA: MEG was good for me but I dumped her. Ya know, my motto is get out before they go down.
JOEY: That is so not my motto.
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey.
RACHEL: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how's the dog?
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
JOEY: Good.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.'
JOEY: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'll do it.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes.
JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
PHOEBE: So talk to her.
JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. [hangs up]
RACHEL: Why the voice.
JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
CHANDLER: Your cappucino sir.
ROSS: Thank you.
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
ROSS: Absolutely.
[they both stir thier coffee and proceed to stare into the mugs]
ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water?
CHANDLER:Well the package says you have to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, never let it settle.
[they both try to drink while continuously stirring]
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
CHANDLER: Ok.
ROSS: No.
CHANDLER: No?
ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
ROSS: Yeah, sure.
JOEY: By someone besides Monica?
ROSS: No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'.
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is returning.]
MONICA: [Opens the door] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: For what?
MONICA: I've gotta get back in the game.
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out of the game?
MONICA: I don't know, I lost it all ok. I lost it.
RACHEL: Oh no.
MONICA: Hey, I've come to terms with it, you have to too.
RACHEL: Ok. Look uhh, Mon I'm, I'm really sorry.
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?
RACHEL: I, I don't have it.
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
RACHEL: Nobody does honey.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is returning the dog who is bandaged up and has a plastic cone around it's neck.]
PHOEBE: Hi.
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
MRS BUFFAY: What are these, stitches?
PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast.
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's left of him.
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
MRS BUFFAY: How do you know Frank?
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah. Frank.
FRANK: Yeah. What? [a young guy comes around the corner]
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior.
MRS BUFFAY: He went out for groceries.
PHOEBE: Ok so will he be back soon?
MRS BUFFAY: Well he left four years ago so we're expecting him back any minute now.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry.
[she turns to leave, Frank follows]
FRANK: Hey lady. Hey wait up. How do you know my dad?
PHOEBE: Um well I don't really. Just genetically. He's kinda my dad too.
FRANK: Heavy.
PHOEBE: Yeah. So um, did he ever talk about me, Phoebe?
FRANK: No but he didn't really talk about anything.
PHOEBE: Oh.
FRANK: Except stilts.
PHOEBE: Stilts?
FRANK: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I was stealing cigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all of a sudden I look over and there's my dad's head bobbing past the window. He just had this big smile on his face and he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was on his stilts.
PHOEBE: Wow.
FRANK: Yeah.
PHOEBE: I don't know what to do with that.
FRANK: Me neither. So you're like my big sister.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
FRANK: This is huge, you can buy me beer.
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
FRANK: I gotta friend named Mark.
PHOEBE: That'll work too.
FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.
PHOEBE: Yeah, that'd be ok.
FRANK: Alright.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'm in the book.
FRANK: Ok, yeah.
PHOEBE: Alright. So um, stilts huh?
FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show you where he hit his head on the rain gutter.
PHOEBE: Ok.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress brings their coffee] Thank you.
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go.
ROSS: I think we proved our point.
CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
ROSS: Cannot feel my tounge.
[They leave. As they're walking out, the bullies are walking in.]
CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies.
BIG BULLY: Did we not make ourselves clear the other day.
ROSS: Yes, and that's why we're here.
CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently.
LITTLE BULLY: Let's do this alright.
ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?
LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.
CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
LITTLE BULLY: Alright.
[they all put up their fists and prepare to fight]
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
ROSS: Whad'ya mean?
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
BIG BULLY: No, you can't use your watch.
CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
BIG BULLY: Or your keys.
CHANDLER: Ok.
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
ROSS: Before I forget, are we hitting faces?
BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces?
ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
BIG BULLY: Ok, nothing from the neck up. [everyone gets ready for the fight] Or the waist down. Dana's ovulating.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh really, you guys tryin' again?
BIG BULLY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Ok, so let me just get this straight. So we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?
BIG BULLY: C'MON!
ROSS: Hey, hey, woah, you want some of this, huh? You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
ROSS: Hey.
BIG BULLY: Hey.
[they all run off after the guy]
[Scene: Central Perk. The four guys are returning after getting the hat back.]
ROSS: God, that was, that was amazing, that was incredible. You guys, you guys kicked butt.
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
ROSS: Yeah he was wasn't he.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.
BIG BULLY: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.
ROSS: So, listen guys, are we uh, are we ok here?
LITTLE BULLY: We're ok.
ROSS: Alright.
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hat back?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The 50's theme cafe. Monica is working the grill, the rest are at a table.]
RACHEL: Look at her.
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
JOEY: He-he-he, how's it goin'?
PHOEBE: Hey nice boobs.
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out.
[Chandler puts a coin in the mini jukebox at the table. YMCA starts playing and Monica and the rest of the staff have to get on the counter and start singing along and dancing. After a couple of couruses, Chandler pulls out a handful of coins and drops them on the table.]
JOEY: Excellent.
END
艾迪
你在这里干什么?
没什么，只是看你睡觉
为什么?
那会让我觉得…平静
请继绩
我睡不着了
要不要我唱摇篮曲?
够了 我要你现在就给我搬出去
你在说什么，老兄?
人魔…
当室友都好过你
我认为你这话不公平
你看到我一次就怕了
那没看到我的那些夜晚呢
那你昨天晚上起来喝水…
…我好心躲在门后没让你看到呢?
我根本就不知道
你马上给我出去
真的要我出去?
对，请你快出去
那我要听到你说你要我出去
我要你出去
不…我要听到你的嘴说
那刚才是我的哪里跟你说的?
对，好吧你知道吗?朋友，我走了
知道吗?我会在你明天下班前搬出这里
谢谢我听到了
你看你
终于用时光机回到过去了
喜不喜欢?
我在第八街跟一个家伙买的我看到的时候心里在想…
…“知道我缺什么吗?”
镜子?
很好，笑啊，我觉得很快活
对一个刚失业的人来说你心情很好呀
不要紧的又不是说我要从零开始
我可是“我们的日子”里面的雷崔克大夫
那一定可以算是一项储备吧
储备?快活?
钱德送我一卷“每日一句”卫生纸
我要去点咖啡了
书看了没有啊?
天啊，简直不可思议
是不是完全说出你的心声?
什么书啊?
瑞秋，这本书你一定要读书名是《掌握自己的“风”》
是写女人需要拥有更多权力
对，但是有…有风
风能够让我们变成女神
知道谁取走我们的风吗?男人，他们就那样拿走了
男人就这样拿走我们的风?
对呀，一天到晚因为他们是闪电使者
听起来蛮酷的，有点像是哈勃
那完全不像哈勃
那就像在读我有过的每一段关系
除了理查德之外
理查德绝不会偷走你的风
不会，因为他很可口
对，但是其它的都会
还有，他们总是吸走…
…我们储存的内在力量
但我们连尝一口都不准
谁要吃根长条糕?
这就是典型的闪电使者行为
就像是…
…“哈罗，谁要来一根我的老二形蛋糕?”
你别担心了，人有祸福的
所以我这次被炒鱿鱼你不会生气吗?
乔伊，看着我
看着我
我的牙齿上有口红吗?
没有，我们说回我，好不好?
听着，亲爱的
这一行到处有人被炒鱿鱼
我已经帮你找到了“另一个世界”的试镜机会了
好棒
计程车司机乙?
不客气
可是我演过霍崔克大夫
我怎么能从神经外科医生演到一个计程车司机?
世事无常，随遇而安吧
可是他只有两句话
就像在开倒车
我不要演这个
乔伊，这句话我也劝过明艾尔…
…跟他的金字塔狗群
有什么就做什么不要随地乱搞
抱歉
改天见
天啊
天啊，我是说，这好…
不是吗?
这就像是读我自己的生活
我是说这书可以改做“掌握自己的风，瑞秋”
我不认为那会卖一百万本…
…但要当礼物送给你，到满合适的
甜心，我们得走了
不，为什么我们做什么事
都得照你的时间表来呢?
事实上，我们照的是电影院的时间表
这样我们才不会错过开头啊
不，你瞧，这不是关于电影院这是关于你偷了我的风
加油，妹子
我说得不好，是不是?
对不起，你的风?
对，我的风
你不让我吹，我怎么能成长?
你知道…
…我倒不会反对呀
我只是很需要自己一个人静一静
很抱歉
你说得对，我不需要跟他道歉
抱歉，该死
怎么了？不知道
是关于什么风呀树呀…
…里头还有什么神圣的池塘
我不是很懂 但她很生气
所以我不跟看书的女人约会
那是什么?
我的信用卡帐单
两封里的第一封
不可能是好事，打开来看看
天啊
你看看我怎么会花这么多钱?
乔伊，那只是最低应缴金额总金额在这里
你买了一套瓷器花了3500块钱?
我那些动物瓷器
那店员说很适合我
他讲话有口音，我被搞迷糊了
我不知道该怎么办
我想你可以从“另一个世界”开计程车开始
什么？不是有试镜机会？
那只有两句台词
乔伊，你欠“我爱树脂”1100块钱
怎么样?所以就认命吧，老兄
那是工作，钱
听着，我不需要你那一套说教
“每日一句”卫生纸?
听着，我没有那样我只是很实际而已
别说了，你是我的朋友才对
我是你的朋友
那你就该劝我说 “乔伊，没问题的”
“撑下去你会得到大角色的，我知道”
但是我不知道
我只知道你欠“缤纷世界”这家店2300大洋
罗斯，我知道我欠多少
那就讲一点道理啊你奋斗了十年才得到那份工作
谁知道下一个机会还要等多久我不想听这个
我只是说…
那就别“只是说”，好吗?
或许我该走了
好，我们待会儿见
你考虑看看
我不需要考虑
我演过雷崔克大夫
那是大角色
大机会还会出现的，你等着瞧
罗斯?
你走了吗?
艾迪，你还在这里干什么?
只是随便给一些蔬菜水果做脱水处理（以便保存）
老天爷，这玩意儿太棒了
听我说，艾迪你有没有忘记什么事?
看，我买了一条新的金鱼
它比上一条活泼多了
对，大概是因为上一条是饼干公司做的吧
艾迪，你现在是不是有件事必须要马上去做的?
脱水吗？
因为现在我是脱水疯子
你必须要帮我忙我以为我们讲好了…
你知道那是什么吗?
你上个室友的肾?
那是一颗蕃茄
这个一定要拿来当摆饰
阿甘，一杯柠檬汁带走
柠檬汁?
你没事吧?
只是事业不太顺利
不知道你听到没有他们杀了我扮演的人物
真不幸，怎么杀的?
我掉下了电梯
真逊
我是雪崩的时候被活埋的
什么?
我以前演过“孩子们”的布莱
干嘛大家都要看我睡觉?
不准再看我睡觉了我不准…
…别再看了
我有些好东西脱水哦有葡萄，还有杏桃
还有我想看这些水球脱水后会是什么德性，一定很酷
出去
出去
带着水果，带着你愚蠢的水果给我搬出去
你要我搬出去?
我得告诉你，老兄这有点突然，你不认为吗?
这不是突如其来
突如其来到极点了
轻松一点，放轻松，兄弟
你不用告诉我两次
会有人来拿我的东西
不过你以为我会让我的鱼跟你独处，那你就疯了
要我帮忙吗?
不用
一直开到机场?那超过了三十哩
我估计大概要“王元”哦
对不起，你说错了，是五十元
五十…元
你知道为什么吗?字糊了因为是传真的
当我在演“我们的日子”演霍崔克大夫的时候…
…他们会送来用纸打印的整个剧本来
那太棒了
如果你想加长这场戏像是出了车祸之类的…
…我可以照顾伤患…
…因为我有医疗演出的背景
听我说，谢谢你来
不…别谢谢我来至少让我演完
我们可以走高速公路…
…但这种时候，
我们还是走“轿”比较好一点
你们的意思是“桥”对不对?
祝我今天愉快
第28个问题
”你有没有让闪电使者取走过你的风?”
我必须说，没有
而我必须说…
什么?
你不记得那个演木偶戏的吗?
对，你完全让他在你内在力量的池子里大洗其脚呀
还有他的木偶
对，但至少不在我第一次约会
…就让人家进入我的正义真理的森林里啊
谁呀？保罗
继续，继续下一个
好，第29题
“你曾经为一个闪电使者…
…背叛过另一位女神吗?”第30题
回到第29题
…不记得有
好吧，艾丹尼，九年级
少来，瑞秋你知道那瓶子完全指向我的
那是因为你的体积太庞大了
听你们两个说的真是悲哀
这下子看来我真该一个人去参加女神会议了
如果别人发现何杰森跟摩妮卡才分手了一个小时…
…你就跟他上床了呢?
一小时？
你可真会挑拨离间
小心那个立体的最后晚餐犹太有点松了
这怎么回事?
他们来拿东西回去我想你说得对
不，听着，我说得不对我就是来告诉你这个的
因为那天我的心完全在我自己的事情上头
你听我说嘛，需要那个什么狗屁安全感的人是我
我需要完全掌握下次薪水从哪儿来，你又不用担心这个
我觉得你真了得
我永远都无法像你，乔伊
谢了，罗斯对，你应该等待更好的机会
你不知道我多么敬重…
…你不去那个计程车司机的试镜
我去了太棒了，结果呢?
我没得到角色
你在实现梦想
好吧
别带走鹦鹉
我看不下去了
等等…
这要多少…救那只鸟要多少钱?
你花1200美金买只塑胶鸟
那是一时冲动它在收银机附近
去吧，把鸟带走吧
你有没有大约两百左右的?
那只狗
我买了
送给你，老兄
谢了，罗斯
我真的很喜欢那只鸟
不过这只狗…
你们的蛋糕
我们没点蛋糕
我知道，是我请的
听着，两位，这样不好
我是说被男人偷走我们的风就够惨了…
…何苦再自相残杀呢?
你说得对
我爱你们，女神们
我再也不会吸走你们的风了
谢谢，我们和好了?和好了
和好了?
好，那我把蛋糕送回去因为他们会从我薪水里扣
那个疯子走了
这次你确定?
对…我亲眼看到他离开的
那家伙拿着一个人头在窗口
他拿着一个人头
你瞧，老兄
我在梅西百货后面巷子的模特儿身上摘下来的
梅西后面没有巷子
所以我是在少女部摘的有什么差别呢?
你瞧瞧，老兄，这样我们下次鸡尾酒会就有得聊了
“下次的鸡尾酒会”?
对呀，可以拿来放洋芋片弄成一个洋芋片小妞儿
你记得昨天发生的事吗?
我想我模模糊糊的记得
那么你还记得昨天你跟我说的话吗?
发生了什么事?
我们跑去拉斯维加斯，老兄
天啊
那么这次的旅行你们有没有赢钱呢?
没有，我输光了但这位21点先生赢了
300块，他买这双新鞋给我
很棒吧?
楼上见了，再见
还有别人开始很喜欢他吗?
需要我效劳吗?
我的钥匙为什么不能用了? 我的东西为什么都在楼下?
抱歉
我们有见过吗?
我是艾迪，呆子，你的室友
对不起…
…我已经有室友了
他住很多年了我不知道你在说什么，老兄
他搬出去以后我才搬进来的
如果是那样的话我们应该记得才对
我知道我会
说得有道理
好
那我想我记错房子了
两位，对不起，对不起没关系
再见了
再会了，干燥水果的疯子
乔伊，要我帮你打开行李吗?
不用了
我只是想让你知道我是不得已才搬回来的
是不得已没错…
但是在那个地方并不是真的…
我是说，这里…
欢迎回家，老兄
小试一下身手?
没问题
这颗球怎么了?
那是颗哈蜜瓜
乔伊，每次罗斯来我们都要把这玩意拖出来吗?
他付了很多钱买这个
我要用不同的方式来抱它
你真的那么讨厌这个那当初为何要买它呢?
我那边有一整个陶磁动物园嘛
现在少了其它动物看起来就很俗了
它会控制大小便吗?
还是会到处留下小磁器便便?
别动
别动
好（假）狗