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The One With the Two Parties
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon.
ALL: Ohhh.
MONICA: What?
ROSS: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?
MONICA: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?
ROSS: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?
ROSS: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
MONICA: Alright. If you guys don't want it to be special, fine. You can throw any kind of party you want.
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
MONICA: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon and Emma and Shannon Cooper.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
PHOEBE: Why not her?
JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
MONICA: Joey that is horriable.
JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I didn't know.
JOEY: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok.
[Rachel enters]
ROSS: Hi honey, how did it go?
RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
MONICA: So what happened?
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.
MONICA: Well, how bout just her mom?
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
MONICA: Cause I already invited her.
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth?
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
PHOEBE: Ok, here are the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake?
MONICA: Ok, we're not having birthday cake, we're having birthday flan.
CHANDLER: Excuse me?
MONICA: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
[knock at the door]
MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?
MR. GREENE: What? The father can't drop by to see the daughter on her birthday?
MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye.
MR. GREENE: Ohhh, you're having a parteee.
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it?
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
MRS. GREENE: Hi Monica.
[Monica slams the door back shut]
MONICA: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom]
MRS. GREENE: Well, my goodness, what was that?
MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.
MRS. GREENE: You thought I was Rachel?
CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young.
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom?
CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
CHANDLER: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy do?
JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
JOEY: Right this is staging.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
[Scene: Later on in the hallway between the apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you, you are off to party number two [ushers four women into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for the wonderful dinner.
ROSS: Thanks for being born.
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for my beautiul earrings, they're perfect. I love you.
ROSS: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, ok.
RACHEL: Now I love you even more.
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
ALL: Surprise.
RACHEL: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god. Mom. This is so great.
MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie.
RACHEL: Wow you, you. I had no idea.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: No, I knew.
ROSS: All right.
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
RACHEL: Why.
MONICA: Just go.
[they walk across the hall]
ALL: Surprise.
MR. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetpea.
RACHEL: Daddy.
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
CHANDLER: Well, we could count again.
RACHEL: I can't believe this is happening.
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
RACHEL: I do.
ROSS: That's who.
CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok?
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
RACHEL: What?
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.]
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
JOEY: Quick volleyball question.
CHANDLER: Volleyball.
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
GIRL'S VOICE: Dennis.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. [runs back]
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?
RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok.
[Back in Monica's party]
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game?
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.
[Back in Monica's party]
MONICA: Listen you guys, I don't mean to be a pain about this but, um, I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on. You wanna push the caps until you hear them click. [she demonstrates, Gunther starts to walk to the door] Gunther, where're you going?
GUNTHER: I um, was sorta thinking about maybe...
MONICA: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's your marker.
PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go.
GUNTER: No, she'll yell at me again.
PHOEBE: Alright, I can get you out.
GUNTHER: What?
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: I think I need a drink.
ROSS: Oh, here, I, I'll get it for ya. Whad'ya want?
MR. GREENE: Scotch.
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
MR. GREENE: Neat.
ROSS: Cool.
MR. GREENE: No no no, no no no, neat, as in no rocks.
ROSS: I know.
[Back at Monica's party]
MR. GREENE: Oh hello Ross, where have you been?
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, scotch neat. Ya know, that's Rachel's father's drink.
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
MR. GREENE: I'm getting my cigarettes out of my jacket.
ROSS: No. no.
MR. GREENE: Whad'ya mean no?
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
MR. GREENE: Get my glasses too.
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
MONICA: Ok, the first person's most embarassing memory is, 'Monica, your party sucks.' Very funny.
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?
MONICA: What? [she runs over to where Phoebe is, Phoebe signals for Gunther to go] I don't see anything.
PHOEBE: Great, I'm seeing water rings again.
MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those?
ROSS: Mine.
MRS. GREENE: You wear bi-focals?
ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.
MRS. GREENE: Did you know my husband has glasses just like that?
RACHEL: Well those are very popular frames.
ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them.
GUY: [to Phoebe] I hear you can get people out of here.
MRS. GREENE: Rachel, you didn't tell me your boyfriend smoked.
RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney.
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
MR. GREENE: Are you wearing my glasses?
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
GIRL 1: What about my friend Victor?
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
GIRL 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.
PHOEBE: There isn't time. You must leave everything. They'll take care of you next door.
GIRL 1: Is it true they have beer?
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party. Everyone is dancing and having fun.]
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
MONICA: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?
GUNTHER: Um [gestures to dance floor]
PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out] Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
MONICA: Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.
MONICA: Ya know, my party is fun. I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sorta fun but, you know, if people would just give it a chance... [volleyball hits her in the head from behind]
[Back at Monica's party]
RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: Did you know your mother spent $1200 dollars on bansai trees. I felt like Gulliver around that place.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
[Monica's party]
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
MRS. GREENE: He always ridiculed my pottery classs...
MR. GREENE: ...and you sand it and you varnish it...
MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.
MR. GREENE: ...and her yoga and her Bridges of Madison County...
MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...
MRS. GREENE: ...I may have only been in therapy for three weeks now dear but...
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
CHANDLER: [running out of his apartment after a girl] Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins. [sits down beside Rachel] Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last of the guests.]
MONICA: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys had fun.
MRS. GREENE: Alright, Monica dear, I'm gonna hit the road. Now I've left my 10 verbs on the table. And you be sure and send me that finished poem.
MONICA: Ok will do. So glad you came.
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.
MONICA: Ok, let me go check. Your mom want's to say goodbye.
RACHEL: Oh ok.
MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie.
RACHEL: Ok.
[Mr. Greene opens the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment. Ross sees him and runs to the door forcing him back in then holds onto the door knob.]
JOEY: Ahh, you drive safe.
MRS. GREENE: Ross, what're you doing.
ROSS: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. [Mr. Greene opens the door which pulls Ross in] How are you doing?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
MR. GREENE: To get my coat.
GUYS: No no no.
MR. GREENE:Alright, alright, I can get my own coat.
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
CHANDLER: Sorry, we're on a major flan high.
PHOEBE: Oh no, you're not supposed to be here. This is the staging area, you should, it's all wrong, you should leave, ya know, get out. [opens the door, the guys are right there] Or perhaps you'd like a creme d'menthe.
MR. GREENE: I have to be heading to my chateau, thank you.
PHOEBE: Oh all right, then I guess we're going back into the hallway.
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
MONICA: Thank you.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
MONICA: Ok everybody, it's time for flan.
CHANDLER: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous fun.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
MONICA: Ok, that's enough.
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
RACHEL: Ok, I've got one. [blows out the candles. Somebody calls out 'heads up' and the volleyball lands in the flan] Wow, those things almost never come true.
END
嘿，你们在干什么？
Monica在让我们看“老黄狗”。
那你们怎么这么难过？
是 “老黄狗”，喜剧片。
- 什么？- 你在说什么？
当然，幸福的家庭养了一条狗非常有趣。
是的不过Phoebs，结局如何？
老黄狗从野狼那里救出这一家，大家都很高兴阿？
- 这不是结局！
- 噢—呃。
我妈妈就在这时关上电视，并且说“完了”。
那他得了狂犬病的那部分呢？
他不是有了狂犬病，他是有了孩子。
这是我妈妈说的。
呃， Phoebe，我觉得你妈妈是不想让你看到将要发生什么事情。
什么，将要发生的事情？
我从来没看过这段。
嘿， Travis，你要用那把枪干嘛？
欧，不，Travis，放下枪。
不，不……他是你的伙伴，是你的老黄狗，
不，不，结束了，完了！
OK，简直是又有病又自私的人!
嘿，你们吃过了么？
呃，Richard和我刚吃完，剩了些东西。
鸡肉和土豆……
我穿着什么？……
实际上，只带了橡胶手套。
你要是真的想裸体，我们并不会过来看。
好的，我有一条腿，三个乳房和一个翅膀。
（意即鸡腿，鸡胸和鸡翅膀）
那你怎么会觉得衣服都这么合适？
欧，嘿， Monica，有个问题问你。
好，第一亿次告诉你，没错，
我在体育馆看到一个女的在洗澡，
不过，不，我没有去看她。
不，不是这个。我们想知道能带谁去看尼克斯队的比赛。
我们有张多余的票。
Ross去不了，所以只能选择我朋友Eric Prower有口臭
或者Dan，老是戳来戳去的家伙
你看了那场球了么？你还要啤酒么？
那个是Spike Lee么？（大导演）
Ok，嘿，
你们怎么不问问Richard？
如果你有一张多余的尼克斯队的球票
而你不得不从你的两个朋友里选：
一个口臭，一个老弄伤你——你会选谁？
哇，我自己作为尼克斯的铁杆球迷，
当然认为你应该带去的是——尼克斯的铁杆球迷。
Ok，Eric的想法。
很高兴能有帮助。火柴。
我的意思是：你们为什么不带Richard去看这场球赛？
什么？
我不知道。
别这样，除了手指，他其它地方还是蛮好闻的
我不知道，Richard是相当棒
呃，是因为我们对他不是十分了解
你知道，而且他有点……老。
于一些人，但是，呃，比一些房子年轻。
那又怎么样，他是有点年纪大，很……
我的意思是，他对我很重要。
你知道如果你请他去
他可能会去开他的美洲虎哦。
我们现在答应如何，
这样看起来我们不是冲着这辆酷车的。
- Ok, 有点不好办。
- Ok ok ok ok。
Monica，我们叫上他，但他必须得开美洲虎去。
欧，你差点就办到了。
不 不，没事，没事。
- Hello
- 嗨。 / - 嘿.
Hi 亲爱的。
- 欧，你们肯定不会相信发生了什么事情。
- 什么？ / - 什么？
Ok，我们坐在那里，在地板上玩，
他自己站了起来。
他自己站了起来 —— 站立。
很遗憾你们错过了，不过我录了下来
你们肯定想看。
呃，我们知道，上个礼拜他就能这样了。
如果愿意你可以看我们的录像带。
我不相信。
我错过了，我错过了所有的第一次。
我错过了，他第一次打滚，第一次爬
我还错过了什么？
他现在能说话么，他会开车么
他现在有最喜欢喝的酒吗？
事实上，他快能说话了。
他还不能说“妈妈”，但他有一次说“也门”。
欧，我讨厌总是错过这些事。
你们知道，我想和他待…几天
和他度过整个周末。
听着，我的意思是，我想……
太棒了，这样很好。
真的？我的意思是…， 我本来准备了
长篇大论来说服你们的。
欧，不是吧，早知道那样就有意思了。
欧，看那，你们看见了吗？看见了吗？
他刚才挥手了。
他挥手了，他以前从没挥过手
（对着孩子说）你从来没挥过手。
是的，他挥过。
很好。
- 嘿.
- 嘿 Phoebs，你在干什么？
Ok, ‘爱情故事’, ‘布瑞安之歌’，和‘母女情深’.
哇，要是再有‘战火屠城’这个片子
加上一些吃的，你就能开个派对了。
是的，我和我姥姥谈了老黄狗里的剧情
而她告诉我
我妈妈以前从不给我们看悲剧电影的结尾，
以此来使我们远离痛苦和悲伤。
在她自杀之前。
- 嘿。
- 嘿。 / - 嘿。
嘿。他呢，Richard去哪了？你们把他甩了？
是的，就在我们偷了他的午餐钱
并装作不知道之后。
你担心什么那，他在泊车。
- 这么说你们玩的很高兴了？
- 你男友太酷了。
- 真的？
- 当然，他让我们开他的美洲虎。
Joey开了12个街区，我开了15个。
哇，他一定很欣赏你。
欧，他给那个家伙小费的方式如何，
把我们带到位置上的那个
你根本就看不见钱在哪儿，像这样：
- 嘿 Chandler，谢谢你把我们带到位置上来。
- 不客气。
嘿 Joey，谢谢你帮我泊车。
没问题。
- 嘿 Chandler。
- 我觉得她们明白了。/ - Ok。
- 这家伙来了。
- 嘿—嘿……。
嘿，你做的好多了。
- 顺便我留着这个了。
- Ok。
他拿走我的钱了。
这是你们第一个不用照顾Ben的全周末，
你们打算干些啥？
呃，我们要去Colonial Williamsburg。
是阿，以前和我一起上大学的女生
成了那里的第一个女铁匠。
你看她们就像只离开
Colonial Williamsburg没多久。
我看该走了，不然妈妈要舍不得了。
- 拜拜，妈咪。/ - 我们爱你。拜…
- 好好玩。
- Ross。
- 嗯？
看。
Joey，你知道我们在这儿能看到你么？
为什么Richard配上这玩意看着比我酷？
嗯，对于初学者来说，你应该
点着雪茄，再把刮刀扔掉。
你知道的，我觉得这样不错
你正在努力使自己更像Richard。
不是像他，是——，不去…不像他。
看，这个艺术家以前叫做Chandler。
我正在试着做些什么，
那么Joey，
你为什么不蓄胡子？
我们分开做了
我抽雪茄，他留胡子。
相象一下如果我们都这样
那我们就成乡巴佬了。
是的你们的确不像
嘿，听着，我们得走了
我相信能在楼下碰到Richard。
- 你们要去找Richard？
- 是的，我们要去看一场Ranger队的比赛。
是的，他没告诉你吗？
他告诉我他要和哥们们出去，
我当然不知道你们就是“哥们们”。
- 听到了吗？我们是“哥们们”
- 我们是“哥们们”
Chandler留胡子的样子
有没有让你想起Sylvia婶婶？
太谢谢你了。
Hi，我们来参观了。
是Ben和他的 爸 — 爸。
爸 — 爸。
你能说 爸 — 爸 吗？
欧，我想告诉你的妈妈们你说出来了
所以你能试试说吗？
不走运？
不，刚才我听到他说了声“撒”。
我还以为紧跟着会说出“第二位护理员”
但……
嘿，你能帮我抱他一会么
我得把这个放下来。
欧，当然, Ok.
- 你在干嘛？
- 呃，我在抱着Ben啊。
- 是，嗯，他是个孩子，不是炸弹。
- Ok。
抱着他就像你抱着一个橄榄球。
这就是我抱着橄榄球的样子。
Ok，给我，这儿，来喽。
Ok，我很抱歉，我照顾不好小孩子。
我意思是我从未照顾过小孩
自从我是个小孩以来。
- 没事，这并不难。
- 真的？
当然，如果他是我们的小孩，
我肯定你感觉一定很不同。
- 什么？
- 什么？
你在想这方面的事情？
呃，是的。
事实上我想我们能有两个，有两个小孩。
两，两个小孩？
是啊，一个男孩一个女孩。
希望先有女孩
这样Ben就不会感到太大竞争压力。
…然后…呢？
- 嗯，我们不会在这个城市里抚养小孩
所以我们很可能搬去，呃，Scarsdale.
是的，我想这样我们就能离开我们的父母
远到…
不用老是去看望他们，而且又近到
只要我们愿意，他们随时来照看孩子。
而且，我知道那里税要略高于，嗯，Nassau镇
但教育系统很不错。
哇，真不错，不错。
- Ok，你知道么，
- 呵？
我该干活了，来，你抱着他，
我得去给人们倒上好的咖啡。
Ok。欧，看那，我没有拿壶，我没有拿壶
嗯，嘿，也许家里有一个，要不就在Scarsdale
嘿，这个是门吗？
嘿。
嘿 Phoebs，如何？
欧，ok，谋杀，癌症，
橄榄球队在安第斯山自相残杀。
- 那么，你看电影了是吧？
- 呃，世上发生了什么事情？
我意思是，不不，因为ET外星人离开了
而Rocky失败了，Charlotte死了。
Charlotte是谁？
网子、蜘蛛——她死了
她有了小孩，然后死了。
像你所知的，嘿…欢迎从医院回家来。
- 好吧，想感觉舒服点么？
- 当然。
Ok，这儿，看这个。
是‘美丽人生’。是的我听说过这个。
那就不能错过了。看这的标题
“本片里充满了惊奇”
我几乎觉得就像在看‘国族之光’，
我想我当时准备看一部关于国家荣誉的电影，然后……
嘣，那个人患上了Lou Gehrig的病。
呃，那个人就是Lou Gehrig，
你没看到他出场么？
Phoebe，看看吧，
我保证它能重建你的人生信念。
- 嘿，老伙计。比赛时间到了。
- 嘿，在那儿等我。
- 有比赛？
- 呃，是的，我刚从商店弄来棍子
（指棍子桌球）
绷紧你的神经。
是篮球的加时赛。
听着，亲爱的，我很感谢你能和他们一起玩，
为了我。
- 我的意思是，他们已经有对方来陪了。
- 不，不，亲爱的，不用担心。
我喜欢和他们俩在一起，挺有意思的，
他们不像我的其它朋友，
他们不会用这种句子和你开始聊天
‘知道谁在铲雪的时候死了吗？’
好吧，很好。去吧。
- 尼克斯加油。
- 呃，是大学里的比赛。
- 欧，那加油，Vassar.
- 呃，不是在那儿。
- Ok，反正就是—加油！
- Ok。
欧，为什么我老为这种事情烦恼？
我并不想当一个让她男友一天24小时
都陪在身旁的女人。
当然。
不过他的休息时间可没那么多，你也知道。
我真不知道自己该怎么办？
这有什么大不了的？你最终还不是要死，
或者离婚，或者把你的宠物的头拧下来。
- 啊……。
- 我也是。
有个问题困扰我。
Richard又计划了和这些家伙去玩。
是…嗯，Ross把整一个世纪都给计划好了。
我还是回房间去读些宇宙学的东西，
也许那玩艺能对我有些帮助。
知道吧，至少我能学学怎么用比基尼蜡除毛
用圣诞节剩下的蜡烛。
Ok，你到底怎么了？
我不知道，你来说啊
我头里还像抱橄榄球那样抱着本，
你立马就说我有2个孩子，住在Scarsdale
还在抱怨那里的税太高。
嗯，对不起，我经常会想这些东西。
我意思是，你在工作，在挣钱
但没怎么打算过。
Ross，你把我们未来20年的生活都计划出来了，
可我们不过才约会了6个礼拜。
欧，别这样。
你从未设想过我们的将来？
我想过，但我是考虑
明晚咱们在哪个公寓过夜，
和下礼拜六的晚上我们该出去吃饭。
我可没想过我们的孩子该取什么名字。
你想过孩子该取的名字了。
不，没有。
嗯，我读了一本书，里面有个女孩叫Emily
我觉得这个名字不错。
什么书？
孩子名字大全。
Ok， Ross，Ross，
听着
- 我们在一起的确很棒。
- 是啊。
但我很不喜欢让所有的事都为我决定好了。
从小到大老是这样，和Barry在一起的时候也是
这也是让我离开他的一个原因。
我，我不想现在就把什么事计划好。
很抱歉这样会吓到你，但既然我们
要在一起，你就得面对这个。
- Ok 好…
- 多谢你。
- 还没完那
- 没注意
Ok，那你得意识到和你在一起的这个男人
决不会停下他对两个人未来的计划。
既然我们会永远在一起，如果你觉得害怕的话，
那太糟了，因为‘你就得面对这个’
- 好，我会的。
- 很好，因为我爱你。
- 我也爱你。
- 这是我们第一次说这话。
- 是的。
- 我要吻你。
那最好
嘿。
- 欧，多谢你的招儿。
- 怎么样？
欧，我并不知道我是不是感觉不错
当……George Bailey毁掉了家族企业…
Donna Reid在痛哭…
还有那个小气的药商
把自己的耳朵弄伤的时候
好吧，先别管这些，
你不认为片子的结局很精彩么？
我没看结局，我觉得很不爽
情节越来越让人难受
这个电影应该叫做，“糟糕透顶的人生
你想象不出还能有比这更糟糕的。”
防守…守住了
…又过来了，传中，调整……
这个射门太漂亮了！
- 你真厉害。
- 上大学的时候常玩这个。
真的？我还不知道在19世纪就有这玩艺了。
胡子挺漂亮。
但你这么年轻就留胡子，没啥好处。
亲爱的，我并不想催你，
不过，晚饭好了
Ok，再玩最后一个球。
进了！
能走了吧？
看，所以我们不叫她来玩。
没事吧？
欧，嘿，不关他的事。
是我们不好，占了他这么多时间
对，我们处的很好。
不，认真的说，Chandler和我正在讨论这个问题。
他比我们的老爸酷多了。
我们的老爸当然没事，我指的是…
Richard很 … 啊，啊
干嘛踢我？
我只不过想说说话。
呃，你们把我看成你们的父辈了？
- 欧，当然。
- 不。
不……
你只是，和我们这样的年轻人不太一样。
我们嘴上说“老爸”，指的就是“哥们”。
- 我们指的是伙伴。
- 呃—呃，是的。
别笑
Joey是我“老爸”
Monica是我“老爸”
在单位我也有不少“老爸”。
好吧。嗯，你们的这个“老爸”要和我
去度过一个浪漫的夜晚。
- 该和你们两个小家伙说拜拜了。
- 好好玩。
- 你不是老爸……
- 你不是老爸
你看你把我们搞的这么惨。
还好吧？
只是觉得自己好像有100岁
我是把自己当成小伙子了。
来，我来让你觉得自己是个小伙子
不过要想当个酷哥，你还得练练你的球技。
你说什么那
我刚赢了他们俩。
他们也很菜。
Ok，拿着简易尿布，给他带上。
Ok Ross，不过你也知道，虽然叫
简易尿布，可是一点也不简单。
- Hello
- 我们
上来吧，
我去拿剩下的东西。
Ok，我们能搞定这个，是吧Ben？
能搞定，能搞定
好了，我成功了，成功了。
看那
欧，都在上面，一个没落
Hi.
Hi.
你刚才说什么？
你在说‘hi’么？
欧，天啊， Ross， Ross
- Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
- 什，什么？
- Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
- 什么，说这个单词了？
不，我那个叫Hi的叔叔
太棒了，—我又错过了
任何东西我都会错过。
Oh，不好意思
我只是逗他说出来了。
Hello.
小宝贝，你好吗？
知道吗，Ben说出了他的第一个单词。
他说什么了？
类似‘hi’的东西
- 真让人兴奋
- 妈妈真为你骄傲
Hi. Hi.
你看，实际上更像— hi
- Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
- Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
Ok，看来得等会再看了
出租车还在楼下
很有趣，改天还该试试
你觉得呢？？
Ok，知道了
- 礼拜二
- 礼拜二，好。拜拜
- 保重。
- 拜，Ben.
拜
他，他是不是，是不是刚说‘拜’
他说‘拜’了。
对我说‘拜’了
对我说‘拜’了
我几乎看到他在上大学了。
- 我们得走了，出租车在等
- 好的，好的。ok. Bye.
- 拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
- 拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
看我挖的这个漂亮的洞
嘿，Bert，这个洞漂亮吧
Ok， Ben，这段讲的就是Ernie把Bert
埋到沙子里去了，然后找不到他
现在我跳过这段，这样他又能找到他了。
在这之前，有些比较有趣的情节
不过我想没关系
现在是刚开始，不过我们已经知道结局了
Ok，看着
我朋友Bert怎么了？他刚才还在这儿的
欧，不，我的老朋友Bert不见了
欧，真高兴你在这儿