六人行第三季-第 7 课-The One With the Race Car Bed
The One With the Race Car Bed
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is telling a story about what happened at work and the rest of the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.]
Ross: So I told Carl, 慛obody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.? But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he抯 Alan Alda.
Monica: Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?
Chandler: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther: What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
(Joey is singing in his head.)
Phoebe: Who抯 singing?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, they抮e watching Happy Days.]
Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanne.
Joey: Question. Was ah, 慐gg the Gellers!?the war cry of your neighbourhood?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice抯 ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! It抯 the Mattress King!
Joey: Booo!!
Chandler: (to Janice) Don抰 look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Matress King: (on TV) 慏espair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I抦 so depressed I抦 going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I抦 going medieval on prices!
Chandler: What a wank!
Janice: Oh, I cannot believe he抯 using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I抦 appalled for you by the way.
Matress King: (on TV) I抦 close. I抦 cheap. I抦 the king.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]
Rachel: 慜kay. (listens) Okay, daddy we抣l see you tomorrow night. (listens) Okay bye-bye.?(hangs up)
Ross: We?
Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that抯 okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow抯 not so good, I抦 supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn抰 hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as 憌ethead?
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I抣l love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: (leaning in) I抣l go.
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: Thank you.
Ross: Hi Gunther.
Gunther: Yeah, we抣l see!
Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Guess what?
Ross: What?
Joey: I got a gig!
All: Yay!!
Chandler: See, that抯 why I could never be an actor. Because I can抰 say gig.
Phoebe: Yeah, I can抰 say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!
Monica: What抯 the part?
Joey: Well, it抯 not a part, no. I抦 teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on! That抯 great.
All: Wow!
Joey: Yeah, yeah. It抯 like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: Y択now your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Joey: (glares at him) I know!
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are shopping for a new mattress.]
Phoebe: Ugh! I don抰 know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice抯 ex-husband, that抯 like betraying Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices.
Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the 憈hat went right over your head?motion) Woo!
Monica: (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler抯 your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before he抯 done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]
Joey: Good evening. I抦 Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don抰 have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Joey: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 扝ey, the bell doesn抰 dismiss you, I dismiss you.?br>
Phoebe: Ooooh, nice.
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Joey: Yeah, it抯 this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I抦 so, so right for it, y'know, he抯 just like me. Except he抯 a boxer, and has an evil twin.
(There is a knock on the door.)
Phoebe: Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delievery guy.)
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Guy: Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It抯 that bedroom there. (points to Monica抯 room)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don抰 say anything to Chandler.
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let抯 see what you got. All right ya, put 慹m up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
Joey: Hey, you抮e ah, pretty good at this.
Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men weren抰 acting Christian enough.
Joey: Ahh!
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Joey: Hey now!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey抯 nose, causing it to bleed.)
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And I抦 bleeding.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Joey: Okay, great.
Phoebe: Wow! And I抦 a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I抦 sorry, we抣l put some ice on it.
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: 慘ay, put your head back.
Joey: All right. I can抰 see.
Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God.
Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Oh, it抯 the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.
Guy: Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the racecar bed.)
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Rachel: Hi Daddy!
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
Rachel: You remember Ross.
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) How抯 the library?
Ross: Ugh, museum.
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Dr. Green: You know what抯 really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
Ross: Yeah, if you抮e really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Rachel: Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Ross: It抯 not a library...
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! It抯 a museum! What, you抮e the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I don抰 know to the waiter.)
[Scene: After dinner.]
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how抯 the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: It gives it a nice antiquey look.
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow. I抦 sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Rachel: Aw honey stop! It抯 not that bad.
Ross: Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must抳e added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That抯 Daddy.
Ross: That抯 Daddy?! But doesn抰 it bother you? You抮e a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I抎 be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I抳e bugged him about this a million times, he抯 not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel: Well um, I don抰.
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: All right.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isn抰 looking.)
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross: Oh, ah, you don抰 need that.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Ross: The carbon, it抯 messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it抯 a sickness really.
Rachel: Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something about that.
Ross: I know.
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think I抦 cheap?
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didn抰 mean anything by that, he really didn抰.
Ross: Nothing I do means anything, really.
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I抣l tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Ross: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 憌ethead?
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial expressions.]
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I抳e never been able to cry as an actor, so if I抦 in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let抯 say I wanna convey that I抳e just done something evil. That would be the basic 慖 have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it?(Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, let抯 say I抳e just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And that抯 how it抯 done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Student: Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey: Hey-hey.
Student: Guess what, I got an audition!
Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I抦 so proud.
Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?
Joey: You bet! What抯 the part?
Student: Oh it抯 great, it抯 a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
(Joey does the ?32 divided by 13 bad news?look.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from dinner.]
Rachel: You had to do it, didn抰 you? You couldn抰 just leave it alone.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there抯 a bug in my food.
Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.
Ross: Yeah, I抦 gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.
(they go into Monica and Rachel抯, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe: I抦, I抦 freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn抰 have! All right, I haven抰 lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
Rachel: Um. yeah.
Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monica抯 room)
Rachel: All right, look, here抯 the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I抣l invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Ross: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn抰 work.
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that抯 why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn抰 make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say 慙ike me! Like me tiny doctor!?br>
Rachel: Okay, well can抰 you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?
Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay we抮e never gonna get along.
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don抰 wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Ross: Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I抣l get the bagels.
[Scene: Monica抯 bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Monica: (sees the bed) What抯 this?
Phoebe: Isn抰 it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!
Phoebe: I know, you must抳e won like a contest or something!
(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)
Monica: Phoebe!
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe: I抦 sorry, okay, I-I wasn抰 looking, and the store says that they won抰 take it back because you signed for it...
Monica: When did I sign for it?
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, it抯 all Joey抯 fault, 慶ause he left his nose open!
Monica: Did you make brownies today?
Chandler: Knock, knock.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won抰 notice the bed.
Chandler: Hey, I抦 going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters and sees the bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.
Phoebe: It抯 Monica抯 bed. What?
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) It抯 a racecar.
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monica抯 bed, what you抮e just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Chandler: Okay, well it this bed isn抰 new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]
Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that抯 not gonna be me, not me.
Joey: Wow! That was good. That was...(points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Student: No.
Joey: Whoa. That was really good.
Student: Thanks, any suggestions?
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay!!
Joey: Well, I-I might抳e said supergay.
Chandler: You totally screwed him over.
Monica: Joey, you抮e this guy抯 teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: Because, Monica, the guy抯 so good, and I really, really want this part.
Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then it抯 okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Hi Daddy.
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What抎 ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, that抯 it, I can抰 take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He抯 interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie it抯 hopeless, okay, I抦 just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Look, look I抦 sorry. It抯 just that....
Dr. Green: Ross? What抯 with the neck?
Rachel: He抯 got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Dr. Green: You抮e still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn抰 get into medical school in Extapa!
Ross: Thank you! That抯 what I keep saying.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross: Uh.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel: Well that抯 his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
Dr. Green: He抯 Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: It抯 Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross: Oh-ho please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Rachel: With my alignment. I抳e got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green: Oh God!
Ross: Argue with that.
Rachel: What? It抯 true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green: Come on! You抮e just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross: I know that!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel: I抦 sorry, let her?
Ross: What can I do, she doesn抰 listen to me about renter抯 insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don抰 have renter抯 insurance?!
Rachel: No.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
(Both he and Ross start laughing)
Ross: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?
Dr. Green: I抎 love some juice. Thanks.
Ross: Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?
Rachel: Yeah honey, I抦 standing right there! Why didn抰 you just tell him about the mole I haven抰 got checked yet.
Ross: Excellent!
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when you抣l have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I抦 ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he抯 got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I抦 stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. I抦 sorry, I抦 sorry, I抦 sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica is trying to return her bed.]
Jester: Uh, may I help you?
Monica: Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I抦 the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.
Jester: Look, it抯 like I told you, there抯 nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, I抦 talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Jester: Hey! You can抰 go back there!
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
Janice: Oh my God.
(Joey fakes a scream.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica抯 bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin? (honks the bed抯 little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, I抣l leave. My bed抯 so boring.
END
我告诉卡尔没有人可以爬恐龙
父母再有名也一样
可想而知，他是左耳进…
我最喜欢他的认真了
要是我眯起眼睛就能把他看成亚伦艾达
帅啊，又在讲恐龙的事
这些事什么时候才会绝种?
如果我是一个会飞还会隐形的超级英雄
那就太棒了
瑞秋到底看上他哪一点?
我爱瑞秋
真希望她是我的老婆
谁在唱歌?
你们小时候扮家家酒
都扮成什么?我都当爸爸
我都当妈妈
请问“蛋洗盖勒家”
是你们社区的团结口号吗?
“床垫大王特价实施中”
是床垫大王
赶快转台
等一下，我想看；等我跟他离了婚
有一半的王国将属于我
床垫卖场愁云惨怖
我的王国突然失去皇后
我是如此沮丧
我决定将价格
砍到最低
各位请看
大型床垫只要599
有枕垫的中型床垫只要499
我的价格非常中古
那个小人
他居然拿我们的离婚来促销
有枕垫的床垫只要499谁管你离不离婚?
那些床垫自己都能卖
还有，我很为你生气
卖场最近，价格最低！
我是床垫之王
-好的，老爸，我们明晚见！
-好，再见
我们？
…明晚要跟我爸吃饭没问题吧?
糟糕，明天不方便
我应该会从帝国大厦掉下来
跌到没有座垫的脚踏车上所以…
我爸并不讨厌你
拜托，他管我叫“油头”
他都叫别人的绰号
好，就一顿饭；
一个晚上，为了我
我只是想让他像我一样爱你
好吧，也许不能像我一样
不过如果你肯来
我就穿那件黑色性感内衣好好爱你
我去
好吧
谢谢
阿甘
等着瞧
大家好
你们猜怎样?
我有头路了
所以我当不成演员，我不会说“头路”
我不会说“可颂”天哪!
-是什么角色？ -不是角色
我要去函授学校教“连续剧演技”
很棒啊
我可以藉此机会
回馈演艺界
你应该不能跟学生上床
我知道
“床垫大王”
我不晓得。
光是来这里，感觉就很怪
跟珍妮丝的前夫买床铺
就像在背叛钱德
这种价格耶
在英国这辆车应该在店的另一边
菲比，过来
这就是我的新床铺
你一定要感受一下
摩妮卡，我还是觉得怪怪的
钱德是你的朋友
我的天哪
买吧，朋友可以再交
“乔伊崔比亚尼”
晚安
我是崔比亚尼老师
我将教大家“连续剧演技”
好的
在我参与“我们的岁月”
演出拉莫瑞医生的第一天
我学到演连续剧时很重要的一点
就是回应
意思不是“回去反应”
而是你没有台词但可以听别人讲
就像这样
谢了
还有，先说明一点如果想演连续剧
有些同学得让自己变漂亮
好，继续往下讲
昨晚课上得怎样?很棒，我可以说…
打铃并不代表下课，
我说下课才能下课
真好
还有，我要去“我的孩子们”试镜
是一个很棒的角色
拳击手尼克
我超适合的，他跟我一模一样
除了他是拳击手
有一个坏蛋双胞胎
床垫大王送货来了
盖勒小姐吗?
请签收
我有中间的名字吗?
好吧，摩妮卡“费露拉”……
盖勒
抬到那个房间
摩妮卡跟床垫大王买床?
求求你，不要告诉钱德
你要我骗他？ 有问题吗？
拳击手尼克，露两手来瞧瞧
拳头举起来
你蛮有架势的嘛
我非学不可！我住在基督教青年会时
有些男生不像基督徒
别闹了
我流血了，帅啊
我是素食者耶
对不起，来冰敷吧
-把头仰起来
-好
我看不到。我来牵你
天哪
盖勒小姐，要抬进哪个房间?
靠窗有洁癣的那一间
知道了
爸爸
位子被排在这里?
厨房挤不下了吗?
记得罗斯吧
葛林医生，又见面了
所以……
-图书馆还好吗?
-是博物馆
-那图书馆呢?
-没有图书馆
是有图书馆，只不过…
我没在图书馆做过事
-知道这里的名菜是什么?
-龙虾
-我直接点三客吧
-如果你很饿的话
那是在开玩笑
其实罗斯对龙虾过敏
谁会对龙虾过敏?
我猜是图书馆员
不是…我知道，是博物馆
只有你可以开玩笑吗?
至少我的很好笑
服务生
两客龙虾，一份菜单
葛林医生，你的船好吗?
生锈了，你知道生锈会怎样?
让船看起来很古雅?
锈是船的癌症，罗斯
我真遗憾
我小时候就这样失去了一台脚踏车
失陪一下
我想在离开之前去问候莱文家的人
亲爱的，别这样，没那么糟
你爸一定算错了他只给了4％的小费
是啊，爸就是这样
爸就是这样?你不困扰吗?
你是服务生耶
我的确很困扰
如果他常来
我会在他的咖啡里加胡椒
所以呢？ 所以……
我跟他说过几千遍了
他就是不改
你真的会在咖啡里加胡椒?
不会
孩子们，可以走了吗?
葛林医生，再次谢谢你
等一下，我忘了拿收据
-不要拿了 -为什么？
复写纸很脏会沾到手指，引发…
夜盲症
这是什么?
谁放了20元?
是我
我有一个毛病
我给的小费太高了
这是一种病，没错
我们得想个办法，很抱歉
你觉得我很小器?
他没有那个意思，真的
我做的事都没有意义，真的
真好啊，我花200元请客
你只放了20元就成了大人物
你那么想当大人物?
这样吧，钱都给你出，大人物
“大人物”总比“油头”好
现在教你们几个诀窍
我演戏一向哭不出来
所以要是我得哭
我就把口袋挖一个洞
放一把镊子在里面
然后开始拔毛
如果我想表现…
刚做了坏事的感觉
就秀出基本的
“我爱眉毛上的鱼钩”的表情
要是我听到一个坏消息
只要心算232除以13就行了
就是这样
今晚的课上得很愉快
下课
崔老师
你猜怎样?我要去试镜了
我的学生要试镜了，我好骄傲
能不能请您指导我?
当然可以，是什么角色?
那个角色很棒
是“我的孩子们”里的拳击手尼克
你就一定要鸡婆
才4％，就算菜里有虫
我给得都比较多
今晚你们好不容易处得不错
快去找我的按摩治疗师好吗?
是啊，一个没念过医科的治疗师
菲比，你在干什么?
我快吓死了
摩妮卡交待我办一件事
她不该这么做
我搬走一阵子了 所以我得问你
摩妮卡睡觉时还是会开灯吗?
我死定了
以目前的情况
赶紧补救还来得及
我找他明天来吃早、午餐你可以示好
我示好过了，没有用
我知道我爸很难相处
所以你一定要比他大方
我可以比他大方
我可以超级大方
就算我当一个巨人事情也不会改变
除非我可以把你爸拎起来说
喜欢我吧，小医生!
你就不能再试一次吗?就当是为了我
吃早、午餐也不能解决什么
面对现实吧，我们合不来
你们非合得来不可
我已经有一对
无法共处一室的父母
我不想再多你一个
我去买焙果
这是什么?
很酷吧?
这不是我订的床
我知道 你一定是赢了什么比赛
这辆车为什么在我的房里?
对不起，我没有注意
他们不肯接受退货
因为你签收了
我什么时候签收了?
当我是你的时候
都是乔伊不好，他没护住鼻子
你今天吃了布朗尼吗?
有人在吗?
快脱衣服，他就不会注意到床
我要去吃寿司，有人要…
有人忘了下交流道吗?
这是摩妮卡的床，怎样?
这是一辆赛车
摩妮卡的床一直都是这张
你现在才发现?
你还真自我中心
如果这不是新床
床垫上为什么有胶膜?
我有时候会做恶梦
听着……
我刚看到我的死党脑浆溅在画布上
我不要跟他一样
我不要
太精彩了
太……
-有镊子吗？ -没有
太精彩了
您有什么建议吗?
你叫他演成同性恋?
我说的应该是…
“越明显越好”
你把他给毁了
你是他的老师，怎么能这样?
因为他演得太好了
我真的很想拿到这个角色
要是你真的很想，那就没关系
-爸爸 -女儿
罗斯葛林医生，你好吗?
谢谢你昨晚请客
谢谢你给我上了宝贵的一课
好帅的发型，
你是游泳来的吗?
够了，我受不了了
怎么了?他喜欢你的发型，
想知道你是怎么来的
没有用的，我要走了什么?
对不起，我实在…罗斯?
你的脖子怎么了?
他的脖子不舒服
我一直叫他去找我的按摩师
你还在找他?
他连乡下的医学院都考不上
谢谢，我一直这么说
很抱歉
巴比医生是个很好的医生
等一下，他叫巴比医生?
那是他的姓
和他的名字
他叫巴比巴比?
是劳勃巴比
而且很抱歉，他把我医好了
拜托!你问她你哪里有毛病?
我歪一边，有一条腿比较短
跟她辩辩看
本来就是，我的右腿短了两寸
拜托，你只是没站直
我知道
那你为什么让她去?
让她去?
她连承租保险的事都不听我的
慢着，你没有承租保险?
要是遭小偷你要用长短脚追吗?
你要喝果汁吗?麻烦你
真顺利，你看到我们了吗?
看到了，我就站在旁边
你怎么不提我那颗痣的事?
好主意
有一天，在你们的事业生涯里
你们会有机会毁掉另一个连续剧演员
前不久，我就有这样的机会
很惭愧的是……
我也做了
我建议另一位演员把一个角色
演成同性恋
我们都去应征那个角色
结果是…
他们…
他们喜欢同性恋的演法
选了他
现在，他拿到两年的合约
要和……
苏珊鲁奇合作
日间电视剧的女王
而我呢?
我困在这里教别人演戏
大多数丑到根本上不了电视
对不起…
谢谢
有什么需要吗?有，你好
我就是被硬塞一张赛车床的人
我跟你说过了，我无能为力
你签收了“摩妮卡费露拉盖勒”
我们要见床垫大王
没有人可以见大王
好，那我要找他说话
你不能到后面去
我……的……天！
小姐，小心一点
美女喔
好，我走
我的床好无聊
